Glimmer of Spring

Glimmer of Spring

It has been one brutal Winter here in Nebraska and just a little over a week ago Spring officially started just as brutally. The brutality wasn't just the physical bitter cold and several oppressing feet of snow.  This year my mental and spiritual being also took a bitter and oppressing hit.  I've contemplated deeply on the many possibilities as to why. If you know me, you know my constant inquiry to rationalize the why.  So I'm going to explore them in this post.

I began an Early Childhood Endorsement this past fall. Hence the blogging silence.  I've discovered that I'm really in love with this field of study. I encourage every educator and parent to take some course work in Early Childhood development, it is SO foundational. I highly recommend grabbing a copy of Yardsticks: Child and Adolescent Development Ages 4-14 by Chip Wood.

My pursuit of it came from the desire to determine what is developmentally appropriate when it comes to technology integration with the 'littles'.   I knew making the decision to go back to school was going to add some stress to life, but after the first day of class something in me just clicked, and I knew in my heart and soul there is a greater purpose to having made this decision.  Only time will tell how that purpose will manifest.  We will circle back to some discoveries during my Early Childhood studies that led to some of my Growth.

I've considered the added stress my coursework may have contributed to my emotional and spiritual low.  Then there is that typical seasonal depression, that I believe runs in my family.  What about the educational dip, that Eileen Heller mentions in her Blog post, Why Is This Time of Year In Education So Hard?  There is also, dare I say this out loud?.....deep breath (I'm going to be vulnerable here) massive hormonal changes raging in my body. There I said it out loud, that hushed conversation that we don't talk about enough in open spaces.  Let's go ahead and throw in the mid-life crisis possibility with me on the brink of turn 50! GEEZ did I actually admit to this, in my out loud voice?! Oh and have I mentioned I'm in the midst of my first child to leave 'the nest'.  Can we say oxytocin depletion and cortisol overload?

I'm going to side bar for a moment, as I've had one of my Gleanings. 
When my son was preparing for college last June we attended orientation.  I vividly recall sitting in this theater style seating at University of Nebraska at Lincoln, soaking in all the tradition and pride of my future Husker.  When they, the clever sneaky UNL student body, put on this silly (yet also mental health awareness building) skit depicting the day parents drop off their kids to the dorms.  Then like deja vu the 'mom' in the skit lingers in the dorm finding excuses to stay longer, nailing exactly how I'd behave. Which was confirmed by my husband sitting on my right side when I stole a glance at him as he is grinning and nodding.  Then even more eerie was that the 'student' behavior was exactly like my son, lovingly hugging her as he gently but decisively escorts her to the door to encourage her to leave.  When it hit me! MY baby is leaving for college! The Beatles song, She's Leaving Home begins to play in my head and takes on a whole new meaning.

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 I realize, like so many parents around me, that this is actually happening in a couple of months. I start to loose my breath as reality slaps my brain. Tears began to well up.  Roll to my left eye.  Then sneak down my left check. (I have this crazy talent to only release tears from the one side of my face, specifically the one away from anyone I don't want catching me cry...it's truly a gift or superpower.)

Now fast forward to the actual day we drive him down to Lincoln. He is in his little black Scion with my older son, packed to the hilt.  My husband and I in our vehicle, also packed with all the new bedding and things I wanted to set up in his dorm.  Yes, I'm not ashamed to say I was living out my missed dorm life through him...I can't wait for this with my daughter when I can really go wild with decorating!  On our 45 minute drive to Lincoln, I'm mentally preparing for my utter breakdown on the return.  I also begin to prepare my husband for what I need from him.  Which is to be a buffer for me from my oldest son, who I'm certain is going to tease me when I'll be most raw and I'll not be able to control which side of my face tears will fall, because they will be coming from everywhere along with uncontrollable sobbing.  As we continue past the golden Nebraska cornfields, I catch my eyes glossing over for a split second and then they evaporate....and that was it.  Not a tear was shed.  I didn't linger longer then necessary in his dorm after getting him settled in.  I did get my cherished hug  as we parted.   See my middle child has been my hugger.  His hugs are like a warm blanket. Even when he was a tiny toddler, when he hugged me it was like wrapping his arms straight around my heart. Needless to say, I was really quite proud of myself upon departure.

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Now I share all that to help set up the Gleaning that has occurred.  As the school year proceeded, it begins to dawn on me how much I really really REALLY miss his hugs.  Then one day I had a real ah-ha.  It made me wonder if other educators that have left the classroom have experienced what I've gleaned upon. It may have been this perfect storm of emotional voids occurring in my life, but I begin to wonder am I'm getting enough hugs!?  When I was still in the classroom and in a school building I would be bombarded with shows of affection (hugs, high fives, fist bumps) multiple times through out the day. I was also supplemented by hugs from my own young (at the time) children and husband. (Hubby Tip: if the wife is going through what I'm describing, up your hug ratio....just saying you'll get bonus points)  But as my children have grown their desire to hug their mama adoringly, spontaneously and willingly has sadly faded.  After over 20 years of being inundated with affectionate hugs from little people to suddenly go cold turkey when my education role shifted to providing professional learning to adults. Oddly, they aren't as spontaneously affectionate as elementary students.  I believe I'm experiencing hug withdrawal. Is this one of those unspoken phenomena's of educators? Like having the bladder of a camel.  I wonder do retired educators go through this withdrawal?  Why has this never been spoken of?  In the article, The Health Benefits of Hugging, Stacey Colino identifies research studies that equate the benefits and necessity of hugs to help ward off sickness, anxiety, depression.​  I am a firm believer that Central Office staff in school districts need to spend a day in an Early Childhood classroom at least once a month.  Primarily to keep that connection to the 'why' of their role at Central Office centered around students.  However, based on this research it could even help decrease employees loss of work time due to illness or work fatigue because they'd be increasing oxytocin levels from a swarm of hugs. Pre schoolers are NOT discriminating with their hugs...trust me on this one...or better yet go volunteer in a Pre K classroom and find out.

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In my course work for my Early Childhood endorsement we were assigned to listen to Jennifer Gonzalez podcast Cult of Pedagogy about Culturally Responsive Misconceptions with Zaretta Hammond author of Culturally Responsive Teaching and the Brain.  According Hammond, culturally responsive teaching is building the capacity of our diverse students to have "intellectual confidence and grow their brain power to improve academic achievement."  It is about  optimizing the learners learning that is coherent with how they learn at home.  

Hammond goes on to link the need to create environments and conditions in the classroom that allow all learners to minimize cortisol (stress hormone) levels and increase oxytocin hormones to maximize bonding and relationship building.  Therefore mirroring healthy home learning styles in the classroom can help develop these conditions.  This type of environment optimizes the student brain's receptivity to learning.

So my Gleaning has led me to my Growth for this post.  I've learned that I'm in definite need to be that 'Central Office' person who intentionally spends more time in the classroom making connections with students.  It will not only make my work more relevant, I can also personally increase my hug quota to break my winter blues, and at the same time remembering that spontaneous affection can also do wonders for creating a positive learning environment for our students socio-emotional development, especially as they spring forward into the testing season.

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